3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
