Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize