I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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