can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize