AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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