Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
