That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
