His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
