The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
