You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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