Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
