We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
