You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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