life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
