the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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