omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
