I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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