He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
