I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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