stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i will never coherently bang her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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