Your dad touched me again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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