I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
