i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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