I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
