you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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