i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
