He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
