I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
