"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize