hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
