3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
