When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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