I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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