I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
