I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize