I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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