i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
