I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
