Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
