so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
