Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
