how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
