Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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