Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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