Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
