It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
