did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
