My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
