I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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