I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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