Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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