Your face is a jimmy john
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
