It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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