FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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