he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
