best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
