I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
