She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
