I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
