just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
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