Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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