I haven't been this sober since birth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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