the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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