You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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