Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
