xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
