I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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