You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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