so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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